As we enter this month of “love“ , my thoughts quickly turn to dating, being single and most importantly- being a mom (who just so happens to be single).
I have reached my thirties, have a beautiful daughter, a nice home and make a decent living. In comparing my life as a single woman without a kiddo to my current life as a single woman with a kid, I see the differences between what I want, what I need, and the healthy balance between the two. However, I don’t have one thing -a husband. Unfortunately, I have friends who tend to remind me about my non-husband factor.
These friends feel with each closer move to the 40 club, there is an pressing need for me to be married -hence the dating game aka the “set up” commences. Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way opposed to being set up on a blind date. What I am opposed to is the attempt to set me up based solely on a number soon approaching. I am opposed to comments such as, “You’re not getting any younger”; “You’re so picky and won’t ever get married”; or my favorite “He’s not all that attractive but no one is at your doorstep sooo…”. Yes, these are just a few of the insensitive lines I get to hear. They even go so far as to say, “I thought you would’ve been married by now.” -as if they are questioning what I have done wrong along the way. I have even found myself saying to one ‘friend’, “Excuse me, I didn’t know I should have kept entertaining the guy who failed to mention he had a wife!” I presume since it wasn’t the air ripped from her lungs, it’s such a hard thing to remember.
This is what I want these “friends” to allow to resonate in their souls.
- I am not some desperate woman who will simply settle on a man with a pulse. I am first, a mom; and second to that is my being single.
- It is my daughter who is watching me and looking to me for guidance. It is my daughter whom I cherish and whom I will protect. To these ‘friends’ who think more of my age, I implore you to think less of my age and more of my child, myself, and OUR well being. Think of what will be in our best interest instead of the credit you want to take for setting the new Mr. & Mrs. ‘Us’ up or the speech you want to give at the wedding.
- Dig a little deeper in your little “Millionaire Matchmaker, Patty Stanger” set her up role and actually THINK of someone who is BEST for me and I for him.
To my friends who met their soul mates when you all were twelve years old and now are “living the dream”, I wish you the best. I sincerely do. I only ask one thing of you…
When you think of me and the next blind date/set up/match making…whatever you want to call it, think about the fact that I have a daughter watching my every move. Think about my heart and how it has been broken so many times. Now, think about the heart I have to protect (besides my own). It’s not that I have no desire to be married, but tell me…should I wait or just go on your impulsive, “she needs to get married so let me set her up” …date?
A Restyled Mom…who just so happens to be single…and willing to WAIT!
To round out this first month of the New Year, and before we move into the wonderful “looove” month, let’s hit this last (but certainly not final) part of raising amazing kids.
While taking my daughter to her dance class, I heard a parent tell her child “you suck and you’re stupid” –all this because the child bought her the wrong kind of soda. I cringed and felt my face get HOT when this lady told her own daughter this. Stupid was a word my mother said needed to be excluded from our vocabulary. No one, especially a child’s parent(s), should ever speak such words over their child or any child for that matter.
This lady’s words may have not been harsh to you. But to me, it’s considered the starting point of installing low self-esteem and diminishing self-worth into our kids. “We inherit our parents’ beliefs about ourselves. We grow up internalizing the messages we receive from our parents and peers.” I most certainly won’t make it seem as if my child is perfect. However, there will not be a time when I intentionally make her to feel like crap or even worse –less than. If ever I do, I pray to feel so convicted in my soul that I immediately apologize to my child and right my wrong.
I once dated a guy who asked me how I knew I was beautiful. I mean this dude really said, “Your grades and/or accomplishments show you are smart, but how do you know you’re beautiful?” It was like he was challenging me to look at my self-worth in the form of beauty. I looked him square in the eyes and with a very matter of fact tone said, “It’s how God made me, so I didn’t have a choice in the matter”. I soon learned this guy hated my confidence and could not understand why he could not emotionally or mentally break me. I thank God for a mother and father, who to this day, still tell me “I am God’s chosen creation and I am beautiful” amongst a host of other positive affirmations. Could you imagine what the opposite effect would have had on me?
I personally try my best to remind my little one of two facts no one can ever take away from her: (1) You are God’s child and (2) You are amazing! I make her repeat and scream it back to me:” I AM GOD’S CHILD AND I AM AMAZING!” Yes, I literally make her scream it because I want her just as excited about who she is as I am. If her answers ever dwindle into the negative zone, I ask why she feels this way, while countering each negative ideal with positive reaffirmations. I also let my kiddo know that God designed her to make a great, positive and powerful impact in the world! I remind her, though she is beautiful, it’s minor to the MAJOR person she is now and all she is destined to become!
I challenge you to speak greatness over your child(ren) every day!
Proverbs 18:21 “The tongue can bring death or life…”
Your Restyled Mom…who received a Gift from God and He made her to be #BeautifullyAMAZING!
Though I started the #TuesdayExchange a little while back, I am excited to actually announce it. So in brief, here are the details:
Restyled Mom is dedicated to building a community. We want to uplift and inspire, but Restyled Mom also recognizes that we are not alone in this quest. With that said, please share in the comments, your blog, your Instagram posts…whatever and where ever you post. Share it!
Restyled Mom wants to read it and share with others. My hope is that you too will join The #TuesdayExchange and share some of the other lovely bloggers out there.
On Tuesdays, my blog is your blog. Welcome to The #TuesdayExchange.
Your Restyled Mom…who is committed to God’s Glory First & the rest will follow.
Since a few posts back covered raising amazing kids as well as capturing ideas and inspiration, I figured it would only be right to share some of the inspiration and lessons I have received from my kiddo. So let’s jump right in…
Get excited, even if it’s just for the little things.
- I reward performance, and my daughter did very well in school. She had been struggling with being a Chatty Cathy during class, and she finally mastered her mouth! Lol. While in Wally World (WalMart) grocery shopping, she asked for silly putty. This was by far the BEST one dollar spent on my kid. To see her play for hours with this simple treat made me realize Lesson #1: Smile and be excited for the small wins in this single parenting life or just life itself! Don’t wait for the big grandiose things. Get excited NOW! Walk with confidence knowing God has already equipped you for this very moment. “For we walk by faith and not by sight.” II Corinthians 5:7
Have a giving spirit.
- While in the airport, my daughter saw 2 very energetic little girls with their parents -who looked exhausted. The children seemed to have no toys or coloring books, and were having what appeared to be minor meltdowns. My kiddo asked if she could ask their parents if the kids could color with her. It’s as if she knew these parents needed relief (why she doesn’t seem to sense this with me…I don’t know). I digress…lol. The parents looked so grateful for a moment to breathe, which brings me to Lesson #2: Giving doesn’t have to be extravagant; it just has to be genuinely from the heart. ” Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion. For God loves a cheerful giver.” II Corinthians 9:7
Laugh, Laugh, Laugh and Laugh some more!
- To hear my daughter’s innocent and sweet laughter brings a calming, yet excitement to my soul. How God has blessed me with a kid with such spunk and personality…it just amazes me! Sometimes, we as parents, get so caught up in the latest hype; the single and lonely saga; or the my kid should have the latest and greatest. We can easily miss Lesson #3: Learn to laugh things off and make the most out of your lemons (lemonade, lemon pie, lemon squares, lemon fudge, etc.) “He will yet fill your mouths with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” Job 8:21
Bonus: Just Dance!
- There is a time for everything. Might I suggest Just Dance for the Wii? Lol. Seriously Restyled Moms, we’ve got to be healthy. It isn’t limited to what you eat, but it’s also about being physically fit. We’ve got kids to keep up with! “Praise his name with dancing…” Psalm 149:3
What are some of the lessons you’ve learned from your little ones -no matter the age?
Your Restyled Mom…who is open to Re-Learning a few things 🙂
If you want to have style without blowing all your cash let me help teach you how to thrift your way to the wardrobe you want!
Source: How To Thrift Your Way To The Wardrobe You Want
I so enjoy the numerous blogs out there –from the inspirational and culturally informative blogs right down to the make-up and style blogs. I realized something ALL these blogs have in common –at least the thriving ones. I realized all these blogs are full of someone’s ideas and inspiration.
In this New Year, as you explore and become re-acquainted with the amazing person you already are (betcha didn’t know I knew this about you huh?!)… Well…as I was saying. As you become more in tuned with your amazingness, I challenge you to write your thoughts down and make it happen.
PhotoCredit: Chaosofkyra (Instagram)
Even if you’re not one for officially “journaling”, I still encourage you to take this year to write down everything you want to see happen in your life. Now, understand, I am not saying that every single thing is going to happen just because you wrote it down. However, what I am saying is there is something about re-visiting your writings and seeing how much has come to fruition. It’s almost like it energizes you to keep pushing! Also, it helps to see where your focus is or where it should be.
Do you want to be debt free? Write down a budget, make a money plan, read and research. You want to travel more, than get the plan written out. (Side Note: Write It Down, Make It Happen by Henrietta Klauser is a good read). I don’t care if you write something to the effect of “2016, start a blog about…”, then explore what you want to start blogging. Just do it! Write down all the things that inspire you and all the ideas you have to get to where you want to go -no matter how extravagant or minimalistic it may be.
(Disclaimer: This post was also inspired by all those great ideas floating around about what to do with a Powerball lottery win). You are more likely to achieve your own personal goals, without winning the lottery, if you simply get serious about Y-O-U. Invest those two bucks in a cute notebook. Write yourself love letters; ramble about the exotic spot you want to visit; explore all your Pinterest ideas (I know you want to try EVERYTHING on there).
Care to share one of your Making It Happen in 2016 ideas? I’d love to hear it; comment below. You can also tweet with the hashtag #MakingItHappen2016. There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting pen to paper and exploring!
Your Restyled Mom…who is enjoying this adventure, taking notes along the way and #MakingItHappen2016!