#TuesdayExchange Spotlight On…

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Today’s #TuesdayExchange is all about the fashion!

I am pleased to offer your fashionista taste buds the delightful, well thought out stylings of Renae Antoinette’s The Ultimate Style Diary. I’ve always known Renae to be stylish but when you read her style blog and see how she fuses pieces together -you’ll want to solicit her services.  Not everyone can take Chanel and mix it with JCP (JCPenney) and it all look so chic, polished and dare I say…affordable.  Affordability isn’t always associated with glam, but Renae does a fine job of giving you high end pieces methodically interwoven with great, affordable finds.  And this Restyled Mom, who just so happens to be a single mom, is always up for looking “datable” (lol) while still being able to pay for my child’s next extra-curricular activity.

Be Stylish and Enjoy!

Sincerely,

Your Restyled Mom…who is stepping up her style game!

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Downplay-itis…Effects & Cure…Because Love Awaits You

downplayitis

Within my circle, it has been discussed how men are intimidated by a strong woman who has herself together and sing Beyonce’ songs like “Who Run the World”. As the conversation looms on, I hear women with brains and beauty saying they will downplay their higher education and/or accomplishments (i.e. Master’s degrees, PhDs, CEOs, lead engineers, etc.)  I myself can say I am guilty of this awful disease; I will call Downplay-itis (an inflamed down play of yourself).  I have accomplished great things along life’s journey, but feel I must downplay myself so as to not be intimidating.

Here are the Top Side Effects and Cures for Downplay-itis AKA Downplaying Yourself:

  1. Side Effect: You are not offering your true self. You are constantly acting, rehearsing your lines and hoping to get it right. Cure: On a first date, maybe even a second date, don’t go into a whole resume submittal detailing all of your degrees and/or accomplishments. Though some dates are similar to an interview..the whole getting to know you thing, THIS IS NOT AN INTERVIEW! Yes. You are the bomb.com. But NO. Do not give it all away on the first date –intellectually or physically. While I am in no way saying be ashamed of all you’ve done, I am saying hit the highlights then allow your date to interject. If asked for further details, by all means expound and share. Allow it to all happen organically.
  2. Side Effect: Downplay-itis, while dating, will potentially carry over into your professional life as well. After an interview, how many times have you wished you would have mentioned all those great attributes you possess and accomplishments you have achieved? Well my friend, THIS IS THE TIME! Cure: Write out every magnificently awesome thing about yourself as well as the things you want to improve and/or achieve. Figure out which to offer up on a date and which are best for landing that job! Too much work? Well look at some of your past failed dates and past interviews then get back to me and tell me how it could have been better. Put in the time to knowing yourself better. This may be the very thing you need to lead you to your greatest opportunities to grow in various areas of your life. This is a great lead in for the third side effect.
  3. Side Effect: You stunt your own personal growth and you merely exist. For a butterfly to become the beautiful creature that is meant, it must go through stages (known as metamorphosis). Though there may be more for you to achieve, it may be hard to see the path to get there if you are downplaying the path you have already travelled for the sake of being “the right woman” for a gent. How can you go through the needed growth stages to become the woman you desire if you do not own the woman you presently are? Cure: Acknowledge and Accept that you are a woman of many accomplishments –some big, some not as big. Nevertheless, they are YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS! For me, I worked two jobs and paid for grad school out of my own pockets. So when and if the topic comes up…uhhh yeah!..I’m gonna enthusiastically tell you about that experience, but will always remain humble (Also see the first side effect).
  4. Side Effect: You miss out on your gifts. Don’t mistake the companionship of a significant other as the main gift. Downplay-itis will cause you to miss out on the gift of being inspiring to yourself and most importantly –inspiring to others! There is someone needing to hear and know what and how you have achieved all that you have thus far. However, when one suffers from Downplay-itis, this person’s achievements will either be viewed as trivial and/or not worth obtaining. In turn, an additional side effect will ensue, where an onlooker may become deterred from his/her own path of greatness. Cure: Be true to who you are. You never know whose watching and taking notes.

Let’s enter this “Love Month” (aka February) with the mantra “The gent in my presence will choose to either be proud or intimidated. It is not for me to choose his degree of comfort within himself so as to accept the comfort I have with myself.”

Sincerely,

Your Restyled Mom…who is applying The Cure

The Intense Facts Why Some Single Moms Don’t Want to be Married!

As we enter this month of love , my thoughts quickly turn to dating, being single and most importantly- being a mom (who just so happens to be single).

I have reached my thirties, have a beautiful daughter, a nice home and make a decent living. In comparing my life as a single woman without a kiddo to my current life as a single woman with a kid, I see the differences between what I want, what I need, and the healthy balance between the two.  However, I don’t have one thing -a husband.  Unfortunately, I have friends who tend to remind me about my non-husband factor. 

These friends feel with each closer move to the 40 club, there is an pressing need for me to be married -hence the dating game aka the “set up” commences.  Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way opposed to being set up on a blind date. What I am opposed to is the attempt to set me up based solely on a number soon approaching. I am opposed to comments such as, “You’re not getting any younger”; “You’re so picky and won’t ever get married”; or my favorite “He’s not all that attractive but no one is at your doorstep sooo…”. Yes, these are just a few of the insensitive lines I get to hear.  They even go so far as to say, “I thought you would’ve been married by now.” -as if they are questioning what I have done wrong along the way.  I have even found myself saying to one ‘friend’, “Excuse me, I didn’t know I should have kept entertaining the guy who failed to mention he had a wife!”  I presume since it wasn’t the air ripped from her lungs, it’s such a hard thing to remember.

This is what I want these “friends” to allow to resonate in their souls.

  1. I am not some desperate woman who will simply settle on a man with a pulse. I am first, a mom; and second to that is my being single.
  2. It is my daughter who is watching me and looking to me for guidance. It is my daughter whom I cherish and whom I will protect. To these ‘friends’ who think more of my age, I implore you to think less of my age and more of my child, myself, and OUR well being. Think of what will be in our best interest instead of the credit you want to take for setting the new Mr. & Mrs. ‘Us’ up or the speech you want to give at the wedding. wp_ss_20160121_0003
  3. Dig a little deeper in your little “Millionaire Matchmaker, Patty Stanger” set her up role and actually THINK of someone who is BEST for me and I for him.

To my friends who met their soul mates when you all were twelve years old and now are “living the dream”, I wish you the best. I sincerely do. I only ask one thing of you

When you think of me and the next blind date/set up/match making…whatever you want to call it, think about the fact that I have a daughter watching my every move. Think about my heart and how it has been broken so many times.  Now, think about the heart I have to protect (besides my own).  It’s not that I have no desire to be married, but tell me…should I wait or just go on your impulsive, “she needs to get married so let me set her up” …date?

Sincerely,

A Restyled Mom…who just so happens to be single…and willing to WAIT!

 

The Mother of All “S” Words NOT Allowed In Our Home

S wordsTo round out this first month of the New Year, and before we move into the wonderful looovemonth, let’s hit this last (but certainly not final) part of raising amazing kids.

While taking my daughter to her dance class, I heard a parent tell her child “you suck and you’re stupid” –all this because the child bought her the wrong kind of soda. I cringed and felt my face get HOT when this lady told her own daughter this.  Stupid was a word my mother said needed to be excluded from our vocabulary.  No one, especially a child’s parent(s), should ever speak such words over their child or any child for that matter.

This lady’s words may have not been harsh to you.  But to me, it’s considered the starting point of installing low self-esteem and diminishing self-worth into our kids. “We inherit our parents’ beliefs about ourselves. We grow up internalizing the messages we receive from our parents and peers.”   I most certainly won’t make it seem as if my child is perfect.  However, there will not be a time when I intentionally make her to feel like crap or even worse –less than. If ever I do, I pray to feel so convicted in my soul that I immediately apologize to my child and right my wrong.

I once dated a guy who asked me how I knew I was beautiful. I mean this dude really said, “Your grades and/or accomplishments show you are smart, but how do you know you’re beautiful?”  It was like he was challenging me to look at my self-worth in the form of beauty. I looked him square in the eyes and with a very matter of fact tone said, “It’s how God made me, so I didn’t have a choice in the matter”.  I soon learned this guy hated my confidence and could not understand why he could not emotionally or mentally break me.  I thank God for a mother and father, who to this day, still tell me “I am God’s chosen creation and I am beautiful” amongst a host of other positive affirmations.  Could you imagine what the opposite effect would have had on me?

I personally try my best to remind my little one of two facts no one can ever take away from her: (1) You are God’s child and (2) You are amazing! I make her repeat and scream it back to me:” I AM GOD’S CHILD AND I AM AMAZING!”  Yes, I literally make her scream it because I want her just as excited about who she is as I am.  If her answers ever dwindle into the negative zone, I ask why she feels this way, while countering each negative ideal with positive reaffirmations.  I also let my kiddo know that God designed her to make a great, positive and powerful impact in the world! I remind her, though she is beautiful, it’s minor to the MAJOR person she is now and all she is destined to become!

I challenge you to speak greatness over your child(ren) every day!

Proverbs 18:21 “The tongue can bring death or life…”

Sincerely,

Your Restyled Mom…who received a Gift from God and He made her to be #BeautifullyAMAZING!

 

The #TuesdayExchange

THE _Tuesdayexchange_editedThough I started the #TuesdayExchange a little while back, I am excited to actually announce it.  So in brief, here are the details:

Restyled Mom is dedicated to building a community.  We want to uplift and inspire, but Restyled Mom also recognizes that we are not alone in this quest.  With that said, please share in the comments, your blog, your Instagram posts…whatever and where ever you post. Share it!

Restyled Mom wants to read it and share with others.  My hope is that you too will join The #TuesdayExchange and share some of the other lovely bloggers out there.

On Tuesdays, my blog is your blog.  Welcome to The #TuesdayExchange.

Sincerely,

Your Restyled Mom…who is committed to God’s Glory First & the rest will follow.